Tuesday, May 4, 2010

ABC's of Love

My mentor and friend is the great Zig Ziglar ... and his beautiful wife Jean. (the red head)  For as long as I can remember, I have read all his books, listened to all his tapes, and attended all his seminars. 

Growing up without a loving father in my life - I always dreamed of having someone like him to encourage and affirm me in life. You can only imagine how overwhelmed I was when he agreed to endorse my "Socially Savvy" book.  I'll never forget the moment when I got "the call" from him, saying he wanted not just to endorse it - but to "highly endorse" my book. I remember where I was sitting, what I was wearing, the time of day, everything about that moment. It was a biggie for me!

Below is a excerpt from Zig's newsletter - parent and grandparents I thought you would enjoy!

The ABC’s Of Love (for children)

Accept your child–not as perfect, not as a “model,” but as a basically good kid.
Be there!  You can’t be absent all the time, nor can you show your interest or love for your child  if you aren’t present.  Be there for football games, dance recitals and the like.
Care for your child.  Even when s(he) messes up!
Discipline; don’t punish.  It takes “guts” to discipline; it only takes a “wimp” of a parent to let  kids get by with anything.
Expect the best: Generally, you’ll get what you expect (bad or good).
Family–the center around which the child’s life should revolve.  School, friends and games are  the “planets” which should circle around the “sun” of the family.
God/Spiritual - pick yours carefully; there will ALWAYS be a “god” of something in your and  your family’s life.  Make sure it’s a good one.  This doesn’t mean you have to be a  ”super-Christian” or go to church seven days a week.  It DOES mean that you must instill some sense of spirituality, moral order, and ethics in your child.
Honesty–the bedrock of good character.  Make sure you demonstrate it by example.
Interest–in your child.  If you aren’t interested, the friendly local drug pusher will be.
Joy– in raising children, watching them develop, being a part of their lives, seeing them turn  out as wonderful adults.
Kindness–in discipline and relationships with your kids.  Avoid harshness or punitiveness.
Listen!  Frequently, YOU are wrong.  You are a parent, not God, and certainly not infallible.
Motivate–don’t intimidate. 
NO to negativity!  Be positive!  Any dummy can be negative about things that anyone else  does, especially kids.  Look for the good in your child and emphasize it.  Things that are  focused on and emphasized get bigger and stronger.
Open to questions and concerns of your child; be open to examine your own actions and  motivations, as well.
Practice (makes perfect); you can mess up, and you don’t have to be perfect.  Just don’t make  a habit of it.  Learn from your mistakes. 
Question; interact–your child will not always tell you unless you ask and demonstrate interest.
Reason with your teenager; don’t demand or command arrogantly when there is a disagreement.  If you must, discipline, but not until you have attempted reason.
Say your feelings–your child is not telepathic.  It’s also important to frequently “say” your  feelings of love and affection.
Touch–your child with hugs and kisses.  Hugs are appropriate for virtually all ages.  Don’t be  embarrassed, and don’t get out of the “HUG HABIT”!
Unity–as a family.  Don’t allow splits or divisions to develop between warring “factions.”Value your time together–you won’t have it forever.
Wonder at the priceless gift of your lives together–you will value it more and do more with it.
X marks the spot for your treasure: the home and your family.
You–the critical person who must show your efforts, caring, affection, interest, honesty.   Don’t wait to respond; INITIATE!
Zero— the serious problems you will have in your and your teenager’s life if you follow these  principles.
Thank you to Zig and Psychiatrist Louis B. Cady.


Beverly Dillow said...

Love your post! Blessings!

North of 25A said...

So happy to have found you at Monograms & Manicures! Nice to "meet" you - thanks for the great posts.
Best, Colleen

Miss Janice said...

I don't have children but certainly appreciate the guidelines!